Temperate Solution
by 8kb24
Summary: What if Naruto was lazy as hell and became a ninja out of force and necessity? How would this affect his attitude and skills? AU fic.
1. Sleeping on your head

Hey guys. I'm a new writer here and I'm trying to get the hang of things as I start this story. Give me a review if you got time so I can learn the ropes here. Other than that, please enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the characters in it.

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A seven year old child trudged the streets, as the daylight began to disappear and the cold air of the winter began to settle in. He sighed. It was days like these that made him miss the orphanage. They fed him bare minimum and constantly berated him, but at least he got to sleep inside. Well, at least most of the time. When the place got too crowded, they wouldn't hesitate to send him away. But the days he got to sleep on the orphanage floor were probably the best days of his life. Now, that old bitch of a matron kicked him out, and the streets were his solace. Damn his pride for not letting him go to the Hokage and tell him what happened. Now he had to find food and a place to sleep. He'd already mooched ramen off that old man for two nights. It wouldn't really be fair to take 2 days worth of noodles without any pay. That guy needed to make money too. He guessed he could steal bread from the other asshole who kicked him out of his shop more times than he could remember. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice another kid walking his direction as the bumped into each other. The other kid turned around angrily.

"Hey, watch where you're going," the kid exclaimed angrily before noticing who it was he had bumped into, "Oh, Naruto, it's you. What's going on?"

"Just trynna find something to eat." Naruto responded, "Whats new with you, Noru?"

"Probably heading back to the orphanage if they don't fill up for the day. Why don't you swallow your damn pride and just talk the Hokage. He'll make sure you're allowed back." Noru reasoned.

Naruto shook his head. "I'm not gonna beg. I'll get even later. I actually gotta talk to the old man right now."

"The place is pretty boring without you," Noru informed him. Naruto laughed in response.

"You know damn well all I did was sleep and eat. Mostly sleep. I'm pretty sure the place is lively enough without me."

"You know what I mean," Noru shot back, "I got nobody to talk too. Everybody's an asshole."

"At least you got a place indoors," The blonde muttered, "If you really don't wanna be there, you can help me find food. Less for me to do."

Noru snorted. "Like you said. I gotta place indoors. Thats better than what you have. I gotta get going. It supposed get really cold tonight, and the place is gonna fill up real fast."

Naruto nodded. He understood how it worked as an orphan and bore Noru no ill will. They after all, were forced to mature earlier then most. Seeing as Konoha now adopted a first come first serve policy when it came to well fare regarding the high number of homeless adults and children after the Kyuubi incident, it was all about looking after yourself. "Alright, I'll catch you later then." Both children then trudged off their separate ways.

Naruto sighed again lethargically as he arrived at the Hokage tower. He opened the door and walked past the young chuunin receptionist, who gave him an angry glare.

The receptionist snarled angry. "Where do you think you're going brat."

Naruto rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Listen bitch. I really don't have any patience for your crap right now. If I were you, I would just sit down, shut up, and finish whatever nonsense you need to get done." Without waiting for her response, he walked and opened the entrance to the Hokage's room and saw the old man in his chair. He turned around.

"Ahhh, Naruto-kun. Please sit down."

"I'd rather not, old man," Naruto replied tartly, "I don't plan on staying very long."

Sarutobi nodded, "Very well. Iruka has informed me that you have not been attending the academy. Did you forget what I told you?"

Naruto yawned. "Did you forget what I told you old man? I don't want any part of ninja life. I just wanna sit back and relax."

"It is in your blood to be a shinobi Naruto-kun. It is also in your best interest." The aging leader attempted to reason with the child. Naruto cocked his head.

"Are you saying just because I have an oversized deformed mess of chakra taking of space in my gut, I gotta put my life on the line for pieces of trash I couldn't give two shits about? No thanks." Naruto asserted.

Sarutobi silently groaned. He would have given anything for that event to never happen. One day, when Naruto was walking the streets alone, some homeless civilian, drunk out of his mind, decided to tell Naruto all about his furry little problem. Executing the guy didn't change the fact that Naruto was even more adamant about letting this village burn. Not to mention the fact that he was by far the laziest child he had ever seen next to the Nara brat. It was even more annoying that he was just as intuitive and perceptive as Shikamaru as well, if not more so. He knew for a fact that Naruto was responsible for fifty percent of the petty thievery in Konoha, though he chose not to mention it. "Naruto-kun. You will attend the academy tomorrow. I'm sorry, but I have your best interest at heart, and being a ninja is the best option for you. If you do not go, I will have to make you go. You know I have the power to do so."

Naruto inwardly cursed. So the old man was pulling out the big guns. Fine. He would humor him for one day and attend that useless waste of space. Before he could speak, an Anbu shushined into the Hokage's office.

"Hokage-sama, the Uchiha clan has been massacred?" The anbu spoke frantically. The Hokage's eyes widened. Even Naruto's eyes rose slightly.

"Well, I can see you have your hands full, old man. I don't wanna bother you any further," He waved his hands to silence the Hokage who had began to speak, "Don't worry, I'll attend the damn academy. He then walked out without waiting to be dismissed. The Hokage rubbed his eyes tiredly. He could only imagine the paper work that would follow.

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Naruto walked aimlessly, taking his frustration out on little pebbles, scattering them with kicks. Some dumb bastard decided to murder the entire Uchiha clan, and put the whole fucking village on high alert. Anbu were running around like ants around a dead carcass. How the hell was he supposed to steal a damn thing right now. He didn't have food, and now there was a murderer in the vicinity. He had to sleep outdoors when there was psycho running around powerful enough to kill every member of the most dangerous clan in the village. He was so preoccupied his his thoughts that he didn't notice an Anbu right in front of him. Naruto stopped as he noticed the ninja turn around a foot in front him. Naruto squinted his eyes, before widening them alarmingly. Wasn't that...

"Uzumaki Naruto." Uchiha Itachi stated emotionlessly before turning around again. The blonde pariah didn't respond, as his brain was organizing the information. The Uchiha clan was massacred, and the strongest member was right in front of him. '_Holy shit, I better play innocent.' _

"Yo, how're the folks?" Naruto kicked himself mentally as soon as the words came out of his mouth. Did he really just ask this guy how his folks were? He really needed to work on this innocent kid charade. Fortunately, Itachi seemed not to hear. But something else caught Naruto's eye.

"Hey, is that bread? A whole loaf of bread? Can I have it?" Naruto asked excitedly. His luck could change in an instant. Itachi turned around again.

"The 'folks' are dead. That is why the village is on high alert," The Uchiha heir responded, "Please don't play innocent Naruto-kun. I know you are not stupid." Naruto's heart sank. Maybe he did hear after all. Apparently, the trained shinobi also saw through his pathetic clueless act.

"Yes, my condolences." Great, now I fucked up my chances of eating dinner.

Itachi narrowed his eyes before speaking. "You mentioned you wanted bread."

Naruto deadpanned. "No offense, Anbu-san, but you've been a step behind me this whole conversation." He sweat dropped again when he realized Itachi ignored him for the second time.

A minute passed before Itachi pulled out the bread from his pouch and threw it to the orphan. "I think you have more use for it than I. Take care, Naruto-kun." With that, he disappeared, leaving a perplexed Naruto behind.

So, an Uchiha anbu, who presumably killed his clan, just gave him bread. A slightly strange turn of events. No matter, he decided to stop analyzing the situation. He wasn't going hungry today. The bread didn't smell poisoned, and even if his enhanced senses were lying to him, the furball would heal him up. Even better was that the strange turn of events had prompted a solution to where he was going to stay for the night. The day just got a lot better. His mood was only dampened slightly by the fact he had to attend the academy tomorrow.

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The Hokage sat in his chair, pondering the implications of current events. He wasn't surprised when Itachi Uchiha appeared in his office.

"It is done Hokage-sama, as I am sure you have heard." Itachi spoke in a monotone drawl, that hided obvious emotion that did not go unnoticed by the Professor.

"I know. I truly apologize, Itachi-kun. If I could have avoided this situation, I would have." The Hokage offered sadly. Itachi shook his head.

"There is no need for apologies, Hokage-sama. I loved the village more then my clan. Though their death does sadden me, I do not regret it. I do thank you for believing me in that some Uchiha had no prior knowledge of the coup like my mother, and allowed me to spare them. Sasuke will not grow up alone as I had feared."

The Hokage nodded. He was grateful that he was able to do something good for this loyal individual, a true Konoha shinobi. "Of course. There is no need to thank me. I have always had utmost faith in you. My reason for summoning you is regarding your future status as a Konoha shinobi. Jiraiya has collected evidence on Akatsuki, an organization I wish for you to infiltrate. However, there is a change in plan. As opposed to our previous plan of labeling you a missing nin for life, I wish for you to report back to the leaf in 7 years time. I shall then inform you of your next mission."

Itachi nodded. "Understood Hokage-sama," He turned to leave before giving the village one last piece of advice before departing for seven years. "Watch Uzumaki Naruto."

The old commander simply nodded, as if already aware of the potential the boy possessed. "I shall. Before I forget," He tossed a document to Itachi, "This is a document explaining the circumstances in the scenario that I am no longer there when you return. Take care of yourself, Itachi-kun."

"And you as well Hokage-sama." The anbu prodigy disappeared without another word.

The Hokage lit his pipe and took a puff. Things would get very complicated in seven years.

* * *

Umino Iruka, the head academy instructor, grumbled angrily at recent events. The Hokage had called and kindly informed him that Uzumaki Naruto would be attending the academy tomorrow, and suggested that he make the curriculum more interesting to further entice the brat. As if his curriculum were not already as interesting as possible. He didn't think he could make a history lesson regarding the original monetary policy of Konoha any more interesting then he did. Of course, Naruto had been there for that lesson, snoring extremely loudly. In his defense, so was the Nara...and the Inuzuka, and surprisingly the Uchiha. The Akimichi was eating. Of course, he had planned a test tomorrow. Now, because the blonde orphan was finally showing up to class, he would have to postpone it. The only good part about this whole situation was that there would be a taijutsu tournament. That lazy brat would finally get an ass kicking for not showing up to an training. Oh yes, he was looking forward to that.

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Naruto climbed the Hokage monument with his dinner at hand. A loaf of bread, and a nice view. He rarely slept here because of all the security, but everybody was preoccupied with the Uchiha massacre. This was the perfect place for an orphan to sleep, save for an orphanage. There was a great view, and the torch provided some warmth even on the coldest day, especially now, when the winter season was approaching full force. Sentimentally, he enjoyed being here as well. Yes, he was the laziest kid probably in the entire leaf village. But like any kid, he enjoyed a good bed time story. For example, he had always enjoyed the story about the mythical assassin who tried to kill the first Hokage and failed. No one quite knew if the story was true. He also enjoyed the story of the Nidaime, master of water, taming the beast of sea. Once again, no one quite knew what the beast of the sea was, but it made for an interesting enigma. He found the religious civil war before the founding of Konoha very interesting. He could listen to the story of the third Hokage all day, when he and his team mates, now known as old fart council members Koharu and Homura, embarked on a mission westward. There was some notion that there was a world beyond that of the shinobi one. A foolish theory, but it made for interesting speculation. The Third Hokage had returned with classified information. Basically, in Naruto's opinion, that meant there was no evidence. And finally, the tale that used to captivate him the most. The most recent spectacle in Konoha, regarding a demon fox razing the village before the Fourth Hokage sacrificed his life to kill it. Naruto snorted. He couldn't believe he actually bought that crock of shit. Thankfully, he soon after learned that the demon who had supposedly been killed was residing in his gut thanks to a very crude drawing that appeared on his stomach. The more appropriate term was seal. Thank god that drunk let it slip that he was a container, or he might still be idolizing that useless blonde leader.

"It's funny, you bastard," Naruto addressed the fourth's face he took a seat on the Yondaime's monument, "All the time I spent idolizing you, I find out you're the reason I can't sleep indoors. What's ironic is I hate your fucking guts, but I'm still sleeping on your head."

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How'd you like it? Just know that this chapter is focused on building the character of people. Thats what the initial chapters are gonna be about. I already have an outline of the story said so I'm trynna take it in that direction patiently. Also everything, including all the stories Naruto mentioned he liked, will be pertinent later. Nothing in this fic that I mention is gonna be frivolous. Other than that, have a good day, and hopefuly yall review.

Peace


	2. The Lazy Inherit the Earth

Clouds covered the sky. Rain began to fall. The gust was blowing at full force. Naruto still slept. As if mirroring an annoyed response, the temperature dropped, and rain turned to hail. However, Naruto still slept. At that moment, lightning struck, and thunder followed. Finally, Naruto stirred, and opened up one eye. He yawned. Something about this day promised that it would suck. Was it the outrageous weather that had woken him up? No, he had been through much worse. Was it the fact that he had absolutely no plan regarding food for that day? No, he had starved for weeks on end. The sound of children running excitedly interrupted his thoughts. Shaking his head in exhaustion, he looked down from the Hokage monument, and saw a sea of kids running to the academy. Wait, did this day seem omniously shitty because he had made a promise to the Hokage that he would attend the academy today? Yep, that would do it. Naruto groaned in frustration. He could take enduring bad weather. He could accept not being able to find food for the day. But being hungry on a rainy day while bored out of his mind listening to a stupid scarred chuunin they called Umino for a whole day. That was a little much. He sighed, and began to climb down from the monument. He knew that if he was late, they would make him stay there the whole night, forcing him to clean up the entire property and sit in detention. This was going to be a long day.

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Naruto sat in the seat as far away as possible from the teacher and he was taking roll, with his face pressed on the wood of the desk. When he entered the classroom, Umino and that silver haired joke, Mizuki, had thrown him the dirtiest glares they could muster. Personally, he cared little whether Umino wanted him dead or alive, and sometimes even forgot whether Mizuki existed depending on how each individual day went. However, their attitudes towards him as he entered said it all as relating to how he was going to be treated for the entirety of this shitty day. However, his thoughts were interrupted by Iruka's explosive vocal chords.

"NARUTO, WAKE UP!" Iruka yelled while simultaneously shattering the eardrums of everybody in the vicinity, "I called your name 5 times already."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "You already saw me come in and sit down when you shot me your death glare when I entered. You know I'm here. So why do I have to say my name?"

Iruka flushed. He had just been outsmarted by a lazy brat who never showed up. No matter, he had to salvage his pride. "Because it's...it's procedure," he finished lamely.

Naruto shook his head. On one hand, it felt good to make the dumb ass teacher look foolish. On the other hand, every staff member was going to take all there frustrations out on him for the whole day. Then again, they were going to do that anyway. So why was he having this useless conversation with himself if he could fall asleep? His thoughts were once again interrupted by an irate Mizuki.

"Listen brat. We don't have to explain anything to you. We're your teachers, so you should do as we say and respect us."

Naruto felt compelled to respond, but decided he didn't feel like talking. The easy thing to do would be to agree. Then maybe they would shut up. He nodded.

The academy teachers appeared surprised before turning around and addressing the class. Iruka began to lecture. "Alright class, those of you who were here yesterday," he turned around and glared and Naruto momentarily, who smiled in return, before reverting his attention back to the class, "would know that there was supposed to be a test today. However, the test will be postponed because of certain events. Instead, we will have a taijutsu tournament." The kids began to chatter in excitement. A tick mark grew on Iruka's head at being interrupted again, "SHUT UP!" The chatter stopped instantly. "We will divide the classroom into different brackets based on previous performance. There will be a preliminary, quarterfinal, semifinal, and final round," Iruka explained.

Naruto inwardly groaned. Well, it wasn't all bad. At least he could forfeit and could leave. Then maybe he could find something to eat and ….. hold up, what did he say?

"The prize for winning this tournament would be a 1500 yen." Iruka declared. Naruto's mouth dropped. He could by two days worth of cheap meals with that kind of money. He'd never seen that much money before. He inwardly salivated, picturing how it looked. Maybe this day wouldn't be such a waste of time. The Uchiha, clearly the best fighter here, was still in the hospital suffering from some trauma. Iruka would place him in the lower bracket with shitty competition because he didn't show up to class and didn't know a lick of taijutsu. Fuck. He forgot he didn't know the basics of a fighting stance. He was so enraptured in his thoughts that he didn't here Iruka call his name.

"NARUTO, YOUR"RE UP!" the scarred chuunin screamed after failing to get the lazy blonde brat's attention for the umpteenth time. Naruto rubbed his eyes tiredly, and made his way to the arena set up inside. He faced a brown haired boy he had never seen in his life. The boy smiled cockily.

"I'm gonna kick your ass. You don't even show up to class." The kid declared arrogantly. Naruto rubbed his temple. What the fuck was this kid's name anyway. Iruka began to explain the rules.

"The rules are very simple. The winner arises from either knocking your opponent out of the arena or beating them to the point that I call the match. BEGIN."

The brown haired boy yelled, before rushing at Naruto, who stood at the edge of the arena. Naruto stood still, before sticking his foot out. The boy tripped, and tumbled out of bounds. All the teacher's jaws dropped. Iruka's eyes began to twitch. Of course that ridiculous nonsense would happen under his watch. Naruto stretched his arms, before exiting the arena. All the other students looked up in shock. Naruto turned around to see all eyes on him.

"The fuck are you guys looking at?"

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Within an hour, Naruto stood face to face with an opponent who called herself Ami, Nami, or something to that effect. It was the longest hour he had even endured. The fights were boring, and this bitch kept going on and on the whole time about how she would win the money and impress her Sasuke-kun. God damn, why did the Hokage make him do this? Well, might as well get this over with.

"BEGIN," Iruka announced, and the fight was under way. Ami, Shami, or whatever she called herself smirked, just like the previous guy.

"There's no way you can beat me, dead last. You don't even know the basics."

Naruto yawned. "Hey, isn't that Sasuke," he asked casually. Ami turned around instantly.

"Where?"

Naruto, taking advantage of the opportunity, kicked her in the ass, sending her rolling out of the arena. At this point, Iruka had fallen flat on his face. Naruto walked out of the arena again with his arms behind his head. Two more to go.

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Once again, time had flown extremely slowly, and after an hour, Naruto stood face to face with Shikamaru, the second laziest kid he had ever seen. Second to himself of course. This should be easy.

"Yo Nara, can you forfeit. I need the money more then you do."

"Sure. Far to troublesome to fight." Shikamaru responded, before jumping out of the arena. Iruka began to have a seizure. This was not how he was supposed to teach the brat a lesson.

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Finally, after an extremely long day, Naruto reached the finals, and was up against a competent opponent. The boy from the dog clan. His name might have been Kiba, but Naruto wasn't sure. One thing he was certain about was that he was getting his ass kicked. The dog boy seemed competent, while Naruto had been tripping kids out of the tournament. Naruto sighed. It had been a good run. Maybe there would be runner up money. Iruka grinned. Finally, the kid would learn some respect from a true academy student. Albeit, one that also ditched class and pranked him, but a true student nonetheless. "BEGIN," he yelled anxiously, awaiting an ass kicking by Kiba.

Before Naruto knew it, Kiba was already in his face swinging with the intention of giving him a concussion. Naruto sighed and closed his eyes, prepared for the hit. He waited for a few seconds, but the blow never came. Opening his eyes, he realized Kiba was sprawled on the arena floor, slowly climbing back to his feet. Naruto's eyes widened, as he realized he had ducked and grabbed Kiba's arm, throwing him over his head. When did he learn to do that. It was akin to an out of body experience. Well, whatever it was, hopefully he could do it again seeing as Kiba had gotten up and rushed at him while snarling angrily. Kiba threw a left hook. Eyes wide again, Naruto realized he had blocked the punch with his right hand, before aiming a left jab at Kiba's face. The dog boy ducked, but was met with Naruto's knee to the head. He flew backwards once again. He was slower to get up this time, a little dizzy from the last hit. This time, Naruto met Kiba just as he had reached his feet, and engaged him with a furious assault. Kiba yelped, as he was pushed back, barely managing to block the flurry. How was this kid, who ditched more class then him, able to completely destroy him in his specialty. He faltered, and that was the opening the blonde needed. With one powerful strike to the temple, Kiba collapsed, clearly unconscious.

Mizuki could not believe what he was seeing. How was the demon able dismantle the offense and defense of the second best taijutsu figher in the academy.

Iruka's mind went into shock. There was no way this kid had so much natural ability. The way he was fighting was instinctive, almost primal. There was no real technique, just pure animalistic prowess and stamina. Unbelievable. "The winner of this match and the tournament, Naruto. Congratulations. Here is your prize money." He handed the lazy blonde a wad of money. Naruto looked at him for a split second, before accepting the money.

"Can I go now?" He asked the still shocked academy instructor, who nodded. Without further comments, Naruto turned and left, leaving a wake of stunned students and teachers alike.

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Per usual, as the night approached, Naruto roamed the streets in shock. What the hell had just happened. How was he able to win the tournament. Granted, the first two matches were against people who probably belonged in remedial ninja school, and the third being just as much of a lazy bum as him. But he beat Kiba, if that was his name. Not only did he beat him, but he dismantled him. The mutt didn't land one strike. Hell, he had to go to the hospital to get revived. It was nothing serious, but still, he sent someone to the hospital in a school spar without attending a class. When did he get these natural fighting instincts. Sure, in the many street brawls he had with drunkards and other street children, he almost always came out on top, but he had always chalked that up to him having for stamina and strength because of the creature in his stomach. Was it because the same creature that he had instincts that allowed him to best someone who had undergone clan training and academy training. Not that he thought it was a great accomplishment beating an academy student, but considering he was just about the most lackadaisical individual god ever created, Naruto was impressed with himself. But he was more wary as well. Whatever it was that had given him such fighting ability on a whim, was sure to have some drawbacks. He just hoped it didn't cost him more then it would help him.

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"He completely dismantled the clan heir. It wasn't even a close contest. The only reason he fought was for the money. He never had a lesson. I don't understand? Is someone else training him?" Iruka babbled to the Hokage, explaining the events of today. The Hokage himself was slightly dumbfounded. Yes, he knew that Naruto would have some natural fighting ability. But the instincts Iruka described were unreal. Was it something to do with the seal? Either way, two things were certain. Naruto must become a shinobi for the leaf, and the leaf had to watch Naruto.

Hey, guys. Thats about it for now. Sorry for the late update for the second chapter. I still got aways to go. Review if you have something to say or just want to tell me the story is good. You can tell me if it sucks too. Any criticism is good. Just make sure it's pertinent to the story. Thanks again for reading.


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